Musings on Mr. Darcy

Often a situation, usually when I am disappointed by someone, will happen in my life that will garner in my mind, the phrase, "my good opinion, once lost, is lost forever."

Anyone who is familiar with Jane Austin's "Pride and Prejudice," will recognize this partial quote from one of Mr. Darcy's most memorable speeches.

The whole quote reads:

[Lizzie] "I am perfectly convinced by it that Mr. Darcy has no defect. He owns it himself without disguise."
"No," said Darcy, "I have made no such pretension. I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. It is, I believe, too little yielding— certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost is lost forever." (Pride & Prejudice, Ch. 11, Wikiquotes)

The context is Lizzy trying to detect a character flaw in Mr. Darcy. So...why does this quote come to my mind when people disappoint? Probably because I like it! The last part of the quote, frankly, tends to suite my attitude quite well.....unfortunately!

I know, I know. I'm entitled to think whatever I like and if that's the worst that happens in a disappointing situation, then it's not so bad, right?

I cannot help but think, though, that the bulk of Mr. Darcy's revelation about his character also voices my attitude....

"I cannot forget the follies and vices of others so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. My good opinion once lost is lost forever."

I, like Mr. Darcy, have a really hard time forgetting the "follies and vices" of others, when they affect me. I seem to take forever to reconcile someone's bad behavior towards me and forgive them. There are, however, a very few people who have wounded me so grievously, that I cannot fathom, even years later, reconciling with them or ever giving them another chance. Those few I have forgiven, but will never let them into my life again. Sound harsh? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it's wisdom or self-preservation. Maybe, when one has been so wounded or burned by another, it bears a wariness to all around them. Who can be trusted? What friend cannot turn on me in betrayal? If I choose to invest my heart in another's life, will that be used against me? Do loyalty and integrity matter to people anymore? The questions keep coming......

I know I need to work on my faults to be a better friend, wife, mother, sister....and I hope, one day, to have a heart that is generous enough to not be offended in the first place. Then no need would exist for even remembering anyone's follies and vices. In the mean time, I will learn from my difficulties and try to move on.